Charlotte’s Destroyed Web

May 27, 2009

When I first moved into my host family’s house, my first night of occupancy included a 6 legged roommate. This ugly little dude showed its nasty face while it was crawling out of a crack in the corner of my wall. It was as if the thing knew I was looking at it and before I had time to even think of how I was planning on killing it, it sprinted back into the wall. I sucked it up, told myself I was being a baby and convinced myself that thing was never going to show its ugly face. Wrong. I was as wrong as trying to tell my host family it is ok to have ice cream after dinner. If you saw their faces it was as if I told them the Virgin Mary never existed. Apparently, you will get really sick if you eat ice cream at night because it is cold. Hence you are hard pressed to find anything cold in this country. Anyways, I woke up one morning and happened to catch something scurry over my head on the wall above my bed. Well look who showed its face. Mr. Nasty. I jumped out of bed, grabbed a shoe and squished that sucker so hard. Then out of the corner of my eye, after thinking how foolish this thing was to run across the wall, I saw legs popping out of the same corner in the wall. This ugly dude has family!?! Hell no, this is not going to fly. I knew this was going to be the start of a war. I looked around my room trying to see if there was anything flammable I could scorch it with, and then I realized my family would probably think I was crazy and kick me out. I took a deep breath and let it be. Mind you, while sitting in bed I looked up at the wall about every 3 seconds and then proceeded to have nightmares about giant grapefruit-sized spiders falling in my bed. In the past 3 nights I have woken up twice to turn my lights on because I was sure I was sleeping with a spider. When I finally stopped thinking about my furry enemy, I walk into my room to find an even bigger spider on the floor NEXT to my bed. This sucker has a fat uncle! This time I brought in my heavy artillery; my host mother and her trusty broom. First, I asked her if she liked killing spiders, then I paused for a second realizing how stupid of a question that was. She looked me in the eyes and said “Vamos”, she also summoned her eldest daughter who happened to be carrying a mop. Both women and their choice weapons made a grand entrance into my room while I half-assed lead the way thinking the whole time the fat uncle was going to attack us, and with one single sweep of my host mom’s broom, the bastard was smeared across my makeshift tile floor. My host mother smiled and let out a cute laugh, all the while my mouth was wide open. That was it?! That guy basically committed suicide. I was totally ready to move furniture, strategically pick up items on the floor… scream? He was totally the fat uncle. The fat uncle who was probably too drunk and thought we were giant flies. When I was by myself I starred at the smear for a minute. It was so gross. As I type this I am looking at the smear, it is still gross. I became brave after the murder and decided to check behind my bed. Low and behold the fat uncle had a fat sister! At that point I was completely grossed out with the poop stain on the floor and freaked out/pissed that the fat uncle had planned a family day out. I mustered up some courage, grabbed the broom myself, (this time I needed show who was boss) and made sure the fat sister could taste her fat brother’s guts that were still left on the broom. What’s next, I’ll wake up in the morning to a wall of spiders carrying egg sacks? Who knows what else is in that wall, I really don’t want to know. Ever. But if they ever decide to make an appearance, there is one thing for sure; I will probably ask my host mother to kill it.